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I can't imagine him doing such a thing.My blood churned. I moved ahead in the diary until I found the next meeting of Lisa and Rod.He wanted to do it right away since he said we couldn't control ourselves. We had sex on his desk and then we talked about the street children. He made me do it a second time doggy-style. I hate doggy-style but he insisted. He said he needed to quench his desire for me before he saw me on Sunday.A few pages later.I am a fool. I have betrayed John and my children. What have I done? I do not love Rod or the way he uses me. Yes, he DOES use me. I am just a sex doll to him.A little further.I hate myself. The pain will not go away. I can dull the pain but it always comes back. John must never find out. I am unforgivable.Another day. I was careless. I almost left a bottle in the living room when he came home. I shouldn't drink but I can't live with myself.I had two distinct emotions. I had an even greater love for Lisa and what she had to go through. I despised. It was also when I turned 15 I lost my virginity. But I really wasn’t that much of a good girl. Appearances are important, it allows people to see (sometimes) what they want to see. Up till the age change, I of course, serviced my boyfriends. Sucking dick, hand jobs, things like that, but never more than that. To be truthful, I’ve only done this with 3 boys. Boys, I mean by like my age. So I’m not a slut, but that changed too. You’ll see. We have a pool in the back yard that I like to lie out at, swim, do whatever. Sometimes I lie out topless and in a g-string so I have some minimal tan lines, but I like the tan lines. I like to see the contrast of my skin tone, I find it quite sexy. The guy I lost my virginity to was the guy next door. He owns a lock-smith business. He’s one of those guys that had become lucky in his business. He didn’t have a whole lot before, but he is well off. Anyhow… One of the days that I was laying out, I had on a black string bikini. I was.
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